“Mom, can I make Rice Krispy treats?”
“No, sweetie, that’s your sister’s job. Why don’t you go play catch with your brother?”

Gender polarizing statements like these, ubiquitous in American society and Orthodox Judaism, are often overlooked or, even worse, accepted as part of our intrinsic culture. But what if a boy wants to make Rice Krispy treats? And what if a girl wants to play some ball?

In the latter half of the 20th century, blacks, women, and gays all began movements to assert their desire for equality. Until this time, each of these groups had felt marginalized and, as such, desired basic rights that had not yet been granted to them. They had assumed roles and positions in society and were therefore unable to choose where they belonged and how to present themselves as groups of people; their places in society were set for them.

These “desire for rights” movements, for the first time, brought the idea of inequality to the very traditional American table. No one had ever recognized or acknowledged the stratified nature of our society. Why are some groups “lower” than others? Why do women feel treated differently? Why discrimination? The turn of the century expanded upon these realizations and put an emphasis on an individual’s choice, the right of any person to be anything he or she desires. However, socially and religiously intrinsic expectations still exist for every grouping within society. One particular grouping of intrinsic expectations exists between men and women (and everybody in between), and this has unfortunately become an ingrained part of our lives that too few people stop and notice the huge implications of expected gender roles.

Some might not even understand the term “gender role” –  what exactly is it? Have you ever wondered why women have traditionally cooked, cleaned, and cared for the children while men earned income and worked full time? Those rather outdated roles are an implication of gender. Why is pink associated with girls and blue with boys? Colors have become gendered, too. What about hobbies? Is it so bad if a boy wants to help his mother cook over playing catch with his older brother? Some might argue yes – and would also be subscribing and perpetuating the gender roles that have been subconsciously limiting our society for so long.

The existence of these gender roles permeates Orthodox Judaism as well. While some roles stem from a halakhic standpoint, there are many other “presumed” obligations that fall on men and women, respectively. The assumption that men should do one thing and women shouldn’t stems from an oppressive thought process – a thought process that limits people who do not conform to certain expectations.

While the majority of people may like to, or happen to, fall into their socially expected gender roles, there are plenty of people who don’t. For those individuals, life can be challenging and repressive, especially in religious communities.

So the next time your son wants to wear a pink shirt, think twice: is coercing him to conform to certain unimportant color expectations – and thereby making him feel oppressed – really worth his happiness? Let people live as they want, and let our ever-changing, fluid society manipulate its expectations and norms around the people, not the reverse.

Sam Allen is a student at University of Maryland. Ely Winkler currently attends Silberman School of Social Work at Hunter College.